Chapter 2: Thinking Aloud

Next to smoking, my next greatest annoyance is f’ked up driving skills and etiquette.

Hence, this republic act seeks to address the millions of uncivilized orcs in the country.

I think the penalties should involve revokation of driving license for like 20 years, fine of 100,000 and at least a year in the prison.

Imagine if we strictly implemented this.

There will be less vehicles in the road. Less people will be tramautized/injured from reckless driving. No traffic!!! like OMFG.

The fines will all go to this special fund that will treat or help all driving related hospitalization funds or education to promote good driving.

now, vote for me people. hehe

Ok…fridays allows guys to wear short sleeve… So just like the past 8 fridays, i’ve been wearing short sleeve shirt.

this silly guard played by the books and said i should tuck them in. WTF. I had to write down my name in the ‘offenders’ list. lol. what a way to start the morning. grh…

it’s so stupid tucking in your short sleeve shirt…. unnatural…uncomfortable… silly.

well, at least in my point of view.

yes, casual friday my ass.

my only retort should it magically reach my superior….oh, i forgot to tuck it in. geez…what? payroll deduction? lol

**

seriously how to break the ice…and get to know her? she is not a colleague…she’s from another department that happens to share our office.

then again, she’s senior. out of my league? the odds are she’s not single. There’s this tall ass dude that hangs with her often. then again, they’re colleagues. duh. but but… sigh. I’m pretty sure she just lives nearby since she is early to work and late to go home. ah, the life.

but what if she’s single? Will i forever forego the chance to get to know this fairy? haha

ah, such torment. even more than the upcoming exam.

soo….i was having dinner with colleagues… and all i heard was bashing of other colleagues not present….and whining about work.

never mind about the whining part about work…it’s the bashing… i mean…it sucks… its like being plastic already…u act all nice and goody in front of them…and when the backs are turned, u getting fucking bashed…

i wonder if thats the case with me….they act all nice and ok…friends and shit…and bam…when i’m out of sight, i’m down for a knockout.

i dunno.. i feel like distancing myself….like..strictly work and shit…i dun feel like making meaningful relationships anymore with them.

sigh. is this all the world can offer?

aargh….it’s so hot these days.

summer my ass. i miss rain.

i don’t normally use air-con. But it was so hot last night that i had to f’kin switch it on. there goes my electricity bill. fark.

i walk to work….and the sun is like so pissed at me as if it wanted me to melt. amazing. not

so ya, i have a hot head right at the beginning of my day. shit.

For some reason, i woke up early today. i was 1st in office as well. I ate b’fast in mcdonald for the first time and got a stomachace. wtf.

i’m not even regularized yet and i feel i’m already at a losing end.

the girl i fancy is making it look like a one sided deal.

boss shows off some nifty gadget while i contemplate on the emptiness of life.

i forget to do a task.

february is moving fast. the next thing i know i’ll be f’kin 23.

then i’ll do an life audit and ask what have i accomplished.

and i just smile and sigh.

this bland routine i live in.

i need a spark. nah. a fire. to clear the path.

hehe, that was poetic.

I see no becker on TV. geez, those 30 minutes could have turned the blues into orange perhaps.

i see the mrt station packed. i wish i could zap everyone.

love is in the air. yeah, sure. money floats in the air indeed each time a sucker gets suckered to buying those umm, ya, love.

i try to take a cab as i carried multiple stuff. it’s a mile long. i go to the taxi stand which had a small fleet of cabs. register and all. 150 they ask. f.u.

now i feel very sleepy.

at least monday is soon over.

vs overtime

vs hyprocrites

vs obnoxious people at workplace

vs assholes

vs stupid thing majigy in friendster testimonials that suddenly make sounds out of nowhere

vs stupid bananas that rot and leave stench in my bag

vs stupid signatures and too much bureaucracy

vs cramped space

vs bright light

vs cockroaches

vs inability to cook

vs poverty

vs pollution

vs the pathetic state of nation

vs smelly stuff

vs office politics

vs stupid earthquake that destroys internet connection

vs lack of work-life balance.

what a life. wtf

mud slides.

wtf.

what an evil trail of destruction…

i feel saddened. maybe if it hit manila instead, the damage would have been less. i hope.

is our nation cursed?

why must nature not give us a chance?

or is it just doing what it’s supposed to do: being natural.

you mess with nature, you mess with climate= consequences.

sigh. what a way to start the week.

and then there was this silly prank done to the affected mudslide area….someone spreaded the rumor that there would be a tsunami at the area which created panic. wtf is wrong with people? seriously.

so i watched the movie. i rather liked it despite critics blasting it and die hard readers saying it was badly adapted.

i found it entertaining somehow. i find religious conspiracies intriguing and this one met my expectations. i guess it helps that its been a year and so since i last read the book. plus i understand that a movie can’t be 100% true to the book. and yes, the time. I don’t think people would enjoy an action thriller movie if it dragged on ala lord of the rings.

there was some good acting, the teabing guy…the monk was good too…and it was my first time to see jean reno in action. pretty good.

other than that, it had some humor in it, the action was good, and the flashbacks and discussions and even arguments were decent.

overall, a good flick at least in my standards.

religion wise….who knows the truth really? Religions all claim to know the ‘truth’ and the ‘path to salvation’. Do they really? who knows?

**

i was thinking….so what if Jesus was Married?

does that make him a lesser God? i mean he came as a man, he should experience it fully. including sex, family…etc.

Why must God be male? What if God is sexless. What if God has both female and male energy. Everything must be in balance. If God is balance, God has both male and female energy. Thus Male and female create balance.

Sex is thus a Godly act. But mainstream ideas dictates its not. it’s a shameful act. Man is superior. Women are inferior. Women are things. Women are under Man.

Weird, considering we call earth, mother earth.

since we live in the mother earth, shouldn’t women be superior? (yeah rite..lol *kiddin*) (as if they aren’t now anyway, lol)

so what if the church was actually bestowed to a woman? I think the church is feminine too, no? mother church? I’m not sure.

i suppose its an issue of power. the male dominated catholic church wants men to remain superior. they say Bah to the sacred femininity.

Whoever holds the key to heaven holds the power, the movie relates….

Jesus is the key to heaven apparently…via the church….the pope…the sacraments….

or is it really?

What if all roads lead to heaven and that a notion of a physical hell doesn’t exist (heck, the deceased pope declared it was a metaphor).

isn’t that a better thought?

i’m feeling lost. alone. no direction.

it’s like being in a maze. it seems you have friends, but actually it doesn’t feel that way.

it’s like you don’t belong.

being overseas for quite a while, i have this unknown identity.

i dunno, its like you don’t know who you are supposed to be.

people come and go.

without an identity, you just wade through life, wherever tide brings you.

life is a mere pretense.

you’re pretending to ‘live’ even though you’re not really ‘living’ .

masks.

shakespeare said, we are all actors in this stage we call life.

we are called upon to play different roles.

yes, play. it’s not us.

or is it?

is life really just a field where God above looks down at us at amusement?

we’re like idiots lost in this maze.

we’re moving automatic. it’s no longer human.

is this all what life has to offer? the arena to pretend? to go through mindlessly?

who am I?

who are you?

why did we cross paths?

if only i could understand.

do i really want to understand?

is it futile to try?

apathy. ignorance. stupidity.

those are humanity’s problems.

it’s mine too.

why am i even writing this?

i dunno. i just felt the urge to do so… is this urge me? or was it preplanned? what made the urge come?

i end it now. there you go. i’m ‘living’. or it seems to be.

**

p.s. just a philospohical rant. lol

mixed signals. maybe it’s just me. maybe the timing is just bad. then again, when is the right time? is there such a thing as a right time?

maybe ur hesitating. then i get confused. or maybe i’m just thinking too much. in the end nothing happens. it looks promising. at least from my point of view. but if it’s just gonna be one sided, then maybe it’s futile.

it could work, but you’ve get to send positive signals. recently, it’s been mostly mixed signals. or u’ll just playing safe? playing around? heh, spare me the trouble.

but i’ll give it a shot and if it’s just not meant, it’ll just have to fall under learning experiences.

life moves on.

maybe it’s going fast? probably not. then again, there’s not much time. i rather stop now than be too involved. it’s in ur court. i take my rest for now.

oh well. i just had to get this off my chest.

Note: I would prefer ‘you’ to be a fictitious person but it’s not. sigh.