Chapter 2: Thinking Aloud

That was a good 2.5 years.

Let me start again:

yippieyuppie.wordpress.com

hehe..dun laugh.

thank you.

so many things have happened that i’m not quite sure what to think about them.

many things have lost their lustre including this.

that lust has been contained.

maybe i need a fresh start or something.

till then.

I heart December 9, 2007. *winks*

hehe

I was browsing through a friend’s blog (male) and saw that most of his entries was on cars…his or cars in general.. u know engines…etc…

me, I don’t thing i have a single entry on cars here. ah yes, i brag about not being able to drive. but thats about it. lol

i dunno. cars for me is a luxury. it’s not something you go out and get a loan for the sake of it. Its a major expense that will eat up a lot of money.

so i think the only time i will buy a car is when i have the exact amount in surplus funds. yes, i’d like to pay for it in cash. i’ll be getting a discount rite? lol

anyway going back…cars…yes, they’re all pretty and nice..and it sure would be a booster to attract girls..haha…man, if was a girl, a car is a status symbol ok. haha

cars…hmmm…traffic sucks here….the odds are the car better have some really cool entertainment device to keep me sane.

uncivilized drivers. screwed up roads. jaywalkers.parking.insane gasoline prices. all the negatives i connect to the car.

it’s just too much.

i’ll stick to appreciating the beauty of the car. but not the actual idea of owning one. for now.

i wish my eventual special someone has a car.

i think that solves everything. haha

Here i am again..in front of my laptop trying to pop out an entry…

i have so much to write about but when the time comes to write…i back out. it’s like there must be perfection in my entries…then i realize the perfection of an entry is when it’s not perfect, when it’s just an outburst of thoughts, feelings and ideas. without hesitation. no holds barrier. but being in cyberspace, it can’t be helped to keep many things private. just to keep the mind sane.

the past week has been weird. magical. disturbing. It’s a question mark but sometimes, it’s like the check mark. I’m not even sure if it happened. I check back again and again to confirm it did. but its so unusual that i’m not sure how true was it. was it random? was it a bad joke? is it really for real. before the year ends, things will be much clearer.

i realized how complex life is. It does not function like black and white. Different people, different mixtures, different situations.

the homily today was telling how we have to ask god to help us since he’s all powerful and almighty. I was like….with all the masses we have done over the centuries, this has become the state of the world?!?! then clearly God has pressed the mute button in heaven. It’s like him saying….Go help yourselves first.

yes, i ascribe to the idea that GOd helps those who helps themselves.

Hence, i need to help myself before GOd can help me.

hmm…interesting thought. helping myself. Sometimes we play victim to life. It’s time to take control. But its hard to take control sometime. There are many things not in our control. We can blame the boss, the economy, our parents. there are so many scapegoats. At the end of the day, our state is a consequence of all the decisions we have made so far.

hehe..this is too much ramble..but hey this post is longer than the previous entries..filled with emo-ness. lol. I realized i’m pretty sensitive. For me words bug me harder than actions. I forget bad things done to me..but words stay for quite a while. yes, words hurt. hit with me a stick is better.

out of the blue, my dad gave me some surplus funds for trading. My lust for it is still there but the rollercoaster ride has been an eye-opener. there is much work to learn in this fascinating world of stocks.

what else? oh rite..when the game is being played right back at you. yes, female players or pick up artists. of course, i’m no pick up artist. i know the concepts behind it but i don’t actively use it. So there she is…annoying me and shit… but interestingly that was what got me intrigued about her. so the whole premise of attraction was this tease-annoy-be nice-i like you-i hate you kind of shit. you know, the whole concept of playing with the mind. I didn’t quite noticed it at first, but after a while, it just struck me that she was playing the game. I’m not sure if its unconciously done..or she’s aware of what she’s doing…but that’s how i saw it. fcuk, i hate players. i will stay away from her. lol

the moment of truth has come..the fucked up exam that has stolen sleep, sanity and a consistent social life. Honestly, i dun feel quite confident about it…the global failure rate is like 60% and there’s too much shit covered. Its a rude awakening to be working AND studying…when i was pampered with a 14 hour week in university. anyway..watever…if i fail, then i blame myself. Poor execution of study plan. If i pass, i’m a genius. lol..whatever…after that day, i will try to get my life back in order.

i think my job is on the line. I’m not quite sure if i can handle all the things being handed in front of me. it’s intimidating, i have no mentor, it’s a whole new different thing…i’m so out of my confort zone.

interestingly, my new year’s resolution is be out of my comfort zone a bit more. ok, i’m just writing all this stuff to clear my mind. so even if i went to the next world next week, i have immortalized my thoughts here..then again not many people venture here. why would they? i give no value to them. I don’t give out knowledge..or tips…or humor…well ok occassionally… its a personal blog really meant for maintaining sanity in this crazy world. so ya, its definitely a not for profit venture. maybe next year, i’ll get serious with some moneymaking in cyberspace.

ah yes money..such a touchy subject. jealously abounds when people get paid more than you even though you have the same rank and duties.

i believe i’m the worst paid of my colleagues…cuz i have no laude at the end and i did not pass any board. the board i know of is the blackboard. lol. what a fucked up corny joke at 12.40am. lol
oh, and its not even black..its green rite?

yup, its frustrating to know you get paid not equally with the rest. oh, and they have signing bonus. I didn’t get one. wtf. am i that insignifcant? a spare tire?

then again, i think i beat all the odds to join them. pure luck maybe that the boss thinks i’m a different breed from what they get typically.

fine, i shall do him a favor and show them his intuition was right. its a cutthroat environment really… its like high school days once again. i was in the top section and grades between each other are closely monitored and followed. any test, small quiz….no secrets…It’s like your worth is determined on how well you did. its demoralizing when you did badly.

so ya, intelligence is the story of this organization.

oh well, i guess i should just filter out all the politics and screwed upness of everything and just focus on the work at hand.

there..it has been a long entry. i feel a bit better. a pour out entry.

bah. i miss that word. dogbert rules. lol

i wish there was a stay awake pill..something which you can just pop and you won’t feel sleepy for like 12 hours… it’ll be perfect for post lunch weariness. not even music could stop it. my eyes simply wants to shut.

i just had coffee. its useless. fuck. maybe instant coffee has no caffeine actually.

damn you capitalism.

oh, and i hope it’s the start of something interesting.

Chapter 3 b egins =)

Person

#1: fine. so be it. ganun pala.

#2: seriously, what do you do?

#3: we are on the same wavelength, but we barely have anything in common.

#4: fine, i will slowly withdraw myself from that silly project.

#5: i can’t trust you. at. all.

#6: You’re plain jane, but my gut feeling says thats a good thing.

#7: you.bug.me.

#8: such arrogance. may it bite your ass.

#9: seriously, are you ever joinin us?

#10: wtf. am i that insignificant?

#11: you get paid the best, so much is expected.

#12: me overtime at this rate? i rather sleep.

#13: (myself): why do have such a complicated life?

I took a nap.

I had the following dreams:

1) I kissed this university classmate of mine for quite a long while. and then we be became a couple.

2) A former colleague got very arrogant and unhelpful with me.

there were some others but i can’t recall.

I think I’m having a quarter life crisis.

this is so uncool.

i feel old.

i’m merely a year and so out of college. wtf.

chemistry
cebu
lunch
dance
cleopatra
hot
kino
seatmate
bloomberg
worthless
model
time pressure