Chapter 2: Thinking Aloud

today was the last straw.

it was annual dinner.

everyone looking nice and pretty.

she was as well.

i saw her at the lobby. i said hey…. i like ur hair.

she barely looked at me and said thanks.

i asked for a picture with her.

she reluctantly agreed, while muttering we have to go now to the ballroom.

i wasn’t her date.

her friend was more important than me.

her attention was focused on her. taking photos.

she barely noticed me. much less said anything nice….u know…say, u look sharp or anything?

yup, she lost her feelings for me for quite a while already.

I HATE her for not having the courtesy to tell me it has been over for quite a while already.

i tot we could work it out. apparently she had made up her mind already.

The nex 4 hours was the most painful. sitting next to her, the other seat was empty. i had no one to talk to to. So i focused on eating….eating….and watching the entertainment at the stage.

food was ok. rather disappointing actually. for 100 bucks, i can eat better at a buffet.

entertainment was pretty good. we had Real DJs on Radio on stage….making everyone laugh and entertained.

that soothed the pain somehow.

i tried to make the best of the evening….taking photos with all of my classmates….my old buddies…basically anyone i felt was a friend.

except her.

intially at the start, i tried to be nice….asking what food she wanted at the table… she declined…she’ll do it herself.

after that, she never really bothered to speak to me….focusing all her attention on her girlfriend. her date.

i had it. so clearly it over. brilliant timing.

It’s painful enough it ended, it’s even more painful when the dinner was supposed to be romantic….bringing dates, dancing….mushy songs…

do you know how painful it is to hear such songs when such a thing is happening? When you’re ignoring the one you fell head over heels.

i never felt so alone, embarassed, disappointed ever.

it’s ever more painful when ur seating where couples are seating as well. they act sweet together and all. and here you are, ignoring the ‘date’ you were supposed to be with. ur girlfriend. or should i say, EX.

fuck. i wished i could have sat at another table.

if only she Fucking told me it was Over.

I could have asked another girl out for it.

damnit, i should have done so.

i mean, i already knew i was not her ‘date’ for the night.

today, i really witnessed how cold she can be.

it’s amazing really…how such a good thing can turn sour quickly.

I can’t believe i managed to act a bit normal…just ignoring bad stuff are happening.

i took photos. i chatted with old friends and all.

but eventually it felt to be an empty night.

i suppose she saved me the trouble of breaking up with her.

i dumped her right there when i had it. I thought today could be the day we would patch up things.

i should have known bettter.

it’s over.

i will do cleansing soon.

i just deleted her from multiply, friendster and msn.

next thing will be the phone. but only after we finish the project we’re still together in. fuck.

honestly, right now…i never want to see her ever again.

after that, i will have totally no contact with her whatsoever.

i will move on. watch me. she will regret losing me. i’ll make the next girl the luckiest girl ever=)

the hurt is deep. i never thought it would end up like this.

the breakup is sad. or maybe good in a way. we never said a thing. we just knew that instant.

she left with her girlfriend. they’re staying overnight at the hotel where the dinner was held.

maybe she likes girls instead?

damnit.

going back, i was with some friends….a couple actually.

she’s really gorgeous. and yes, he’s such a lucky guy.

sigh. it’s really rubbing in the wound when you see couples acting sweet and all.

i had enough.