Chapter 2: Thinking Aloud

i mean writing that is…so ya, another emo post. it seems that has been the trend of this blog so far. my multiply tries to mask that reality. oh well….

heh, so this is what heart-wrenching feels i suppose. it’s like someone squeezing your heart for no reason. not fun at all.

i’m starting to see your point of view. your doubts are becoming my doubts. your concerns become mine too. It’s all opening up.

you seem to leave it to fate. que sera sera. whatver happens, happens.

it seems you have resigned. you have lost faith. you wash your hands to remove any sense of accountability.

bahala na

yes, tomorrow i’ll act normal. as if nothing significant has happened. all in a day’s work. another day of acting.

eventually you’ll tell me it’s not worth the trouble. the potential heartache.

i have a feeling it’ll come via a letter. since my birthday is approaching. yeah, you’ll probably give me a birthday card out of goodwill. But with it comes the truth.

and ya, i’ll be contemplating on my birthday every word you write there.

yup, what a brilliant way to spend that day. alone. contemplating.

i wonder what you’ll write there. no actually, i think i know what you will write.

you probably dun want to be that vulnerable to tell it straight to me.

so ya, the letter which you have prepared quite well will do the trick.

from then on, we would rarely speak to each other. the spark is gone.

yes, we still have a stupid annual dinner to go to. and we’re still in a stupid assignment together.

great. just great.

i don’t know what to think. I want to leave you with space and time to think it through.

Am i worth it?

it works for me too. Are you worth it?

they say love conquers all. but really, does it?

i said in the previous entry…i want to risk it… know what, it can’t work cuz if i jump and u don’t jump as well, who will save me? at least if we both jump, we can try to save each other. then again, we both can’t swim…so we probably shouldn’t be jumping in the water. lol. can’t believe i can find humor at the moment.

ah yes, personal differences. you have not elaborated on it yet. should u elaborate on it, what would i find out?

well, maybe in our case..it’s true opposites attract. except it seems to be temporary. no?

then again, maybe it’s for the best.

we’re young. we’re confused. we don’t know what we want. we’re gonna meet loads of other people. new experiences. etc.etc. etc.

i should think this was a learning experience. but it was fun i tell you. i have no regrets really.

i learned. i grew.

it happened for a reason.

we’ll find that out eventually.

see, i have resigned this to fate as well.

cuz you see, i derive inspiration from you.

the moment you told me you believed me you were committed and that a LDR was possible. i believed it too. totally.

now, it’s very cloudy. there’s a fog.

final 50+ days. enlighten me please.